


Vedere

by HandsAcrossTheSea



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom Hux, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Praise Kink, Top Kylo Ren, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 06:34:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16236161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HandsAcrossTheSea/pseuds/HandsAcrossTheSea
Summary: Hux can see Kylo, even through the darkest of clouds.





	Vedere

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BrandNewNamja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrandNewNamja/gifts).



> This fic is a distillation of about four different ideas I've had, spread across weeks and a lot of anxiety about how to bring them all together. It started as a novel, then a short story, and now we have this. This fic touches on some very personal struggles for the author, and I needed to confront them as much for myself as I did for Kylo.
> 
> Yes, I know this is OOC, and no, I don't care. It's an AU, it can be anything we want, so please don't make any remarks to that end. If this fic isn't for you, then please look elsewhere.
> 
> Oh - and this is for Rizzo, whose cat snaps help me far, far more than I could ever possibly articulate. Love you binch <3

“Are you alright, Kylo?”

Hux’s voice is soft, unobtrusive, hovering at the very edge of Kylo’s meditation space.

In lieu of a response, Kyly shrugs almost imperceptibly and tries to quiet his mind more.

He knows he’s been out of it all day, making himself nearly impossible to find, his phone turned off. Of course, he really didn’t have any reason to other than his mind is a fucking  _ mess  _ right now, and rather than let Hux see the state he’s in, he’s just been… quiet.

Hux deals with enough without Kylo adding to his problems today.

He hears Hux turn to leave, their ability to interpret each other’s body language honed enough by now that they both know better than to try and force anything. Kylo listens to the squeak of the loose board outside the doorway, indicating that Hux has left and Kylo is left alone yet again.

Kylo hasn’t let on to his boyfriend that he’s been sinking lower and lower for the past three days, only they’ve both been so busy with the store that Kylo hasn’t wanted to bring it up yet. Customers tend to be more willing to buy things when you aren’t glaring at them with the look of a plague victim that just learned his fate. Kylo’s been having to force his kind demeanour and smile so much that his cheeks hurt and his emotions are completely fucking shot.

He lets his head fall forward, letting out his breath and trying to refocus on  _ why  _ he’s in such a bad place right now. Well, he does know why. Firstly, he’s a victim of his own self-doubt. That’s nothing new - every artist struggles with it at some point or another, but Kylo has an easier time shaking off the mental blocks on creativity than he used to. A new box of pencils, a sketchbook he didn’t even know he bought that’s found after laying in a pile of drafts for the last three months - they tend to unleash a lot of cathartic sketching.

Kylo opens his eyes halfway and reaches for the drawing pad he keeps here in this place, its contents seen by no one but Kylo and Kylo only. There are a lot of self-portraits, abstract impressions of his frustrations, landscapes that he’s only pictured in his dreams. They’re all intensely private, incomprehensible to anyone save for himself. Looking through it makes his heart slow a little more, each drawing a proof that he has indeed made it out of a bad episode alive again.

The black cloud still hanging over his mind doesn’t dissipate much even after he’s come to the last drawing, and he has to set it aside and close his eyes again.

The second thing?

Fear.

Fear that he’s not good enough for  _ Hux,  _ who deserves everything and then more beyond what Kylo has to give him.

He feels the first crack in the wall around his heart, and he has to sink his teeth into his lip to keep from crying.

Hux, who’s talented and iron-willed, going for anything and everything he wants. The one who spearheaded the idea of an art supply store after they both graduated, combining that massive drive and business sense to make it flourish.

Fear that the demons and shadows inside Kylo’s own head are going to push Hux away completely, making him question why Hux stays with him even though Kylo knows damn well he’s damaged goods. It’s not like his mental state screams “stable relationship material,” but Hux has been nothing but patient and understanding for the last six years of him, taking it all in stride and  _ helping,  _ not pushing away, cradling Kylo through some of his most shameful, darkest moments.

Their bodies pressed together.

Hux’s soothing, warm kisses.

His hands in Kylo’s hair, stroking and threading and whispering to him that it’s all going to be okay.

Kylo still doesn’t believe him.

Kylo still doesn’t think he’s  _ enough. _

Sitting with his legs splayed reminds him that yeah, he doesn’t have that either.

Hux has been, thus far, his only sexual partner. Hell, the only one that Kylo has ever trusted enough to let him be seen naked, and even then, Kylo still isn’t completely comfortable. His gym routine begs otherwise, and even then his muscles have come from the desire to outrun self-loathing rather than interest in maintaining his health. Kylo, if he could disembody himself and  _ see,  _ would expect far, far more than what he has between his legs. Tall, broad shouldered,  _ striking  _ good looks - yeah, that guy should be far more well-endowed.

Except he isn’t.

Shame colors Kylo’s cheeks, and this time he can’t quite stop the tears from falling down his cheeks.

Kylo, every since puberty, has been on the lower end of average, uncut, and ever since he found out that genetics had rolled him low in that department, he’s struggled. Hidden behind art and the gym and a million other things until he had met Hux, who Kylo had dared to let in. Hux, who screams his name in bed and kisses him with so much passion and tenderness that Kylo can  _ almost  _ believe that his size doesn’t matter.

Hux who even though he isn’t huge, still feels like far more of a man than Kylo does to himself. As much as Kylo loves Hux - and he does,  _ God,  _ he does - he’s still more than a little jealous. And for no other reason than Kylo resents his own body, and there’s nothing he can do to change it.

Kylo gives up on trying to meditate and brings his knees to his chest, his forehead pressed to them as he quietly tries to contain the sobs that threaten to get far louder than he wants Hux to hear.

Darkness falls after a while, and when Kylo opens his eyes again, Hux is there, holding his head in his lap and running his fingers softly through his hair.

“I brought someone who wants to see you, darling.”

Hux’s voice is so soft, warming the sharp, broken edges of Kylo’s mind that the stabbing pain in his head starts to subside. A quiet mewl sounds from near Kylo’s feet, and Tiberius, their sweet, one-eyed tabby comes up to bump his nose against Kylo’s forehead, rubbing and rubbing until Kylo can’t help but smile.

“He came and got me when he found you laying on the floor and decided that he needed to check you out.” Hux leans down and kisses Kylo’s temple and keeps his cheek pressed against him. “Perceptive little fiend, isn’t he?”

“Yeah.” Kylo’s voice comes out all cracked and worn, lifting a hand to rub Tiberius - Tibby, for short - down his back. “Not bad for a guy who can only half see.”

“He cares though, and that’s what matters.” Hux helps Kylo sit up, and Tibby automatically follows to settle himself in the warm crook of Kylo’s legs. “Not to mention devilishly handsome, I’m jealous.”

Kylo almost manages a laugh, leaning back against Hux’s chest. “He just does that so I’ll feel more sorry I’m not giving you enough attention.” Tibby starts to purr, and Kylo scratches him behind his ears. “Which I am, by the way.”

Hux gather his arms around Kylo and slips his hands under his t-shirt to rub his stomach. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Kylo. I know it’s been rough the last few days.” He kisses the side of Kylo’s neck and hugs him even tighter, which somehow manages to make Kylo feel even worse about how bad of a job he was doing at hiding it.

“Has…” Kylo has to swallow against the emotion rising in his throat. “Has he eaten yet?”

“Yes, and so should you. Come and get your coat, I need a big, strong man to escort me down to The Broken Bowl and wouldn’t you know you’re the only one I can find?” Hux kisses up to behind his left ear, inhaling once he stops there and dragging his fingertips over Kylo’s chest. “Unless you rather I brave the streets alone?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call you defenseless, Hux.” Kylo is becoming increasingly aware of how little space there is between their bodies, and even though Hux has done absolutely nothing to indicate he wants Kylo like that right now, just the basic act of being held make a pleasant heat seep through to Kylo’s still shattered heart. “But I guess it is better than laying here crying on the floor, isn’t it?”

“Many things are, darling, but sometimes it’s needed.” Hux gets up and pulls Kylo with him, wrapping him up in a hug once they’re on their feet. “I’ve already ordered, so all we have to do is pick it up.”

Hux gives him a soft, chaste kiss that is meant to comfort more than anything, followed by Hux’s fingers pulling his hair back and expertly slipping off the ponytail holder from his wrist, their foreheads pressed together until Hux has finished.

“There - now I can see your gorgeous neck better.” Hux runs his fingers from the base of Kylo’s scalp and down to his shoulders, over the column of his throat before coming back up to cup his cheeks. “I always want to see you, Kylo, never forget that.”

Kylo doesn’t have it in him to say anything back to Hux’s overwhelming, undeserved affection, so he leans forward for another kiss that ends with Hux humming quietly against his mouth and the tears Kylo’s shedding half from his heart being put back together in stages, half feeling like he’s still not doing enough for Hux.

             When Hux pulls away from the kiss for a breath, both he and Kylo are pink-faced and breathing heavy, but neither of them move to do anything about it. Kylo’s mind is still in pieces, and Hux knows better than to suddenly change things up on him. Kylo loves him for him, assessing what he needs  _ most,  _ rather than in the moment. 

           “I love it when you kiss me like that, Kylo.” Hux’s hands are still on his neck, soft and tender. “It’s like I can taste every part of you.”

Kylo blushes, but doesn’t try to duck away from Hux all the same. “We should get uh, food. Before they think we forgot.”

Hux doesn't chastise him for shying away from the compliment - instead he kisses him again before he takes Kylo’s hand and leads him towards the door.

            Kylo takes his flannel jacket from Hux and notices that his boyfriend takes one of Kylo’s sweatshirts and slips it on over his head. It’s far too large on Hux, easily swallowing up his slender frame - but Hux rolls the sleeves up, pushes his red hair back where it’s flopped over his eyes, and holds out his hand for Kylo to take. 

Toronto is getting cold, but during the late afternoon it’s not so bad. Regardless, Hux stays close and keeps their fingers linked together, keeping perfect pace with Kylo so they don’t drift apart. Kylo doesn’t say much, concentrating not on the way his mind is still trying to harass him but on Hux’s strong, slender fingers intertwined with his own, perfect artist’s hands that have come to know so much about the world and Kylo.

It still makes Kylo’s heart trip and beat faster, especially since Hux isn’t doing this just because Kylo’s down right now; Hux is the most tactile person he’s ever met, and before they met, Kylo had been so far beyond touch starved that when they first kissed, he nearly came in his pants. Now it’s a thousand touches day, each and every one meaning as much to Kylo as the one before it.

It’s an eight block walk to their favorite Chinese restaurant, and somewhere around block four Hux finally slows them a little more, turning his head to kiss Kylo’s shoulder. “Are you starting to feel better, Kylo?”

Kylo nods, and means it, too. “Not hard when you’re looking out for me.” Kylo licks his lips, hungering for both Hux and his favorite fried rice that he’s ever tasted. “I… can we… later, I mean. You know.” He doesn’t know if he should want  _ that  _ right now, so soon after nearly toppling over into the abyss but hell, he  _ wants  _ Hux close and hot next to him, or on top of him, or just… there. With as much skin exposed as possible.

Hux stops them and touches Kylo’s cheek. “I would love to.” His blue eyes hold so, so much warmth and empathy, coming from some limitless source that Kylo doesn’t want to question too much.

Kylo hides his smile and gets them moving again, warmed by the promise that Hux actively wants to touch him, pleasure him, make him feel things that some days, Kylo doesn’t feel like he deserves.

It’s the slow time of after lunch but before dinner when they walk in, and as promised, their order is waiting for them on the counter. Hux smiles and pays, saving Kylo the trouble of having to strike up small talk - it’s just not in him today. Hux thanks the man behind the counter and hands one food-laden bag off to Kylo, taking his hand again when they exit the building.

“There are two egg rolls with your plate as well, darling.” Hux looks at him like that extra egg roll is going to help everything, and frankly, it might. “And of course mine is always up for grabs as well.”

“Think I’d rather grab you instead.”

Heat flashes in Hux’s eyes, and Kylo feels a little more fog evaporate from the edges of his mind. “Anytime, Kylo.”

The sun has slipped lower in the sky by the time they get back to their apartment and some of the physical numbness from earlier has replaced straight up hunger, and their dinner has only gotten better and better smelling. As they’re walking through the lobby, Hux makes a detour to their mailbox.

“Think my package was arriving today,” Hux says, mostly to himself. Kylo takes the bag of food from Hux and stands back while Hux wiggles four different packages out of their mailbox. Kylo isn’t all the surprised - they get so many packages both here and at the store that the arrival of a brown box doesn’t exactly warrant much excitement - but Hux does take a particular shine to a very small box on top of the pile, and unless it’s the world’s smallest jars of paint samples, Kylo can’t begin to guess what it might be.

“What’s that?”

Hux smiles enigmatically and rings for the elevator with his elbow, his arms full. “You’ll find out soon enough, I promise.”

If Hux is choosing to keep it under wraps for the time being, then it must be worth the wait. Kylo decides on patience, content to let Hux steer for now.

Hux takes the packages to their bedroom when they reach the apartment, and Kylo goes to the kitchen to start dishing up the food. He takes the extra egg roll Hux order and holds it for a moment, feeling emotion makes his throat start to close up again. He absolutely doesn’t deserve Hux, and he knows it’s not worth getting upset over an  _ egg roll  _ but it’s the thoughtfulness that gets to him, how much Hux fucking cares and honestly, truly, Kylo doesn’t feel like he’s done a thing to deserve him or anything that Hux has done for him.

“Almost ready, darling?” Hux comes up and wraps his arms around Kylo from behind, kissing the back of his neck and rubbing his chest. “Smells incredible, too.”

Kylo wipes his eyes and brings Hux’s hand to his mouth, and proceeds to kiss every knuckle. “Thank you.” Kylo can’t articulate more than that, wishing his brain would get itself together so that he could have an actual conversation and not cry over extra egg rolls. 

Hux hugs him tighter and turns him around, holding Kylo tight and rubbing his hands up and down his back. “Let’s go sit down.”

Kylo takes their plates to the living room and it’s not until he gets a better look at Hux that he notices he’s shed his skinny jeans, down to just Kylo’s sweatshirt and the dark blue briefs that hug his cute little ass like they were painted on. Kylo swallows, desire and despair still warring in his body, only for an almost foreign sense of contentment to settle over him; Hux is doing all of this  _ for  _ him, from bringing Tibby to him, to dinner, to showing off his legs and ass just because he knows it will make Kylo feel better.

Hux settles himself on the sofa and smiles when he notices Kylo’s unable to tear his gaze away. “You know it’s okay to look as much as you want, darling - I like it when you do.” Hux looks so fucking pretty, with his pale, strong yet slender legs on display and his soft, three day ginger beard covering his face. “It was rather the founding point, wasn’t it, you looking at me.”

Kylo nods and seats himself next to Hux, wishing he’d gone and changed before he sat down - his jeans are feeling uncomfortably tight right now. “Well you were a nice change of pace from the normal models, can you really blame me?”

Hux leans over and kisses Kylo on the cheek before taking his plate and sitting with his legs in Kylo’s lap. “I don’t suppose I can.”

Kylo puts on their favorite painting show while they eat, the delicious food and Hux’s warm presence making lulling him into a sense of calm and quiet. The fuller he gets, the sleepier he gets, and by the time he’s cleared his plate, he’s fighting to keep his eyes open. The mix of emotions and moods he’s been fighting all day have exhausted him beyond his capabilities, and before the artist on screen has finished painting his purple mountains, Kylo’s fast asleep.

He doesn’t dream, thankfully, at least nothing that he can remember. At some point, he does end up on his side, head pillowed on his elbow, sleeping so heavily that he doesn’t notice Hux getting up to take their plates away and then coming back with a blanket, covering them both while Hux settles in at the other end of the couch with his sketchpad and pencils. 

It’s Tiberius nosing at his head and trying to bury himself in his hair - still in its ponytail - that wakes Kylo two hours later, disoriented by being hard asleep on the couch and the cat sitting on his face. Kylo slides Tibby so that he’s behind him and sits up, blinking away the sleep and wondering why his right arm is asleep.

“Hux?”

“Right here.” Hux wiggles his toes where they’re pressed against Kylo’s back. Kylo reaches for them and squeezes his foot, sitting up and pushing his hair back from where it’s gotten wrapped around his face.

Kylo reaches for Hux’s foot under the blankets and squeezes, dragging his thumb over his instep and using it to pull himself closer to Hux. Hux comes quickly, the blanket falling off of them as Kylo shifts so that he’s laying on top of Hux, bracketing Hux’s body with his arms and leaning down to bump their noses together.

“Are you feeling a little better, Kylo?” Hux reaches up and loosens Kylo’s ponytail, his fingers going right for his dark mane. Kylo closes his eyes and dips his head, letting Hux’s fingers work their magic over his scalp.

“Better enough,” he says, and it’s not long before he’s hard from both proximity and intimacy. He can feel Hux getting there too, and rather than let his earlier worries get the better of him, he grinds their hips together and falls into the kiss that Hux is already pulling him towards.

Peace settles over Kylo like a blanket, and Hux rubs his left hand up and down Kylo’s back while the other stays in his hair, keeping him close as he opens Kylo’s mouth up with his tongue, tasting every part of it. Kylo sucks on Hux’s tongue, knowing that Hux loves it when he does that, the urge to feel even more of him growing stronger by the second.

Hux breaks the kiss and reaches for the hem of Kylo’s t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head. “We should take this elsewhere, darling.” Hux’s stormy blue eyes don’t hold much more than pure, unfiltered desire, and Kylo scoops him up with one motion, carrying Hux bridal style to their bedroom.

Kylo places him gently on the mattress and steps back, keeping his eyes focused on Hux as he unbuttons his jeans and pushes them down, his hands shaking with nerves. This always the tough part, baring himself to Hux, the fear that this time Hux isn’t going to take him in hand and pull him down to the bed with him and instead laugh him away.

Instead, Hux finishes stripping and pulls his legs back for Kylo, rubbing his hole and licking his lips at him, his uncut cock leaking precome into the thick patch of red pubic hair that covers his groin and balls. Kylo watches Hux stroke himself, lowering his jeans and underwear all the way down and then kneeling on the bed, right hand covering himself until Hux grabs him and flips him onto his back.

“You are so fucking beautiful, Kylo.” Hux straddles him and kisses him hard, pressing his ass back against his cock and rubbing against it, his tongue filling Kylo’s mouth until he’s overwhelmed, fingers buried in Hux’s thick red hair, kissing hard to try and will his brain into shutting up. Hux rolls them so that Kylo is on top, wrapping his legs around Kylo’s waist and rutting their hips together.

“Hux,” Kylo pants, not sure what he’s asking for, his body and mind pulling him in two different directions, the desire to behold and make Hux feel good fighting hard with his own need to cover himself up and just… go. 

Only Hux is wrapped around him like a vine and is still very much hard and naked underneath him, with apparently no intentions of letting him go any time soon.

“Give me your hand, Kylo.” Kylo obeys, and Hux guides it down between them, wrapping Kylo’s fingers around both of their cocks. Kylo’s breath comes out shakily, aware of their size difference in a way that’s always terrified and amazed him. “Feel that, darling? How perfectly we fit against each other?” Hux kisses him, begging with his whole being for Kylo to stroke them together. 

Kylo  _ does  _ feel it, and up close like this their disparity isn’t so great; they both have thickness, nothing so great that they choke when they blow each other but still enough to be a challenge. Kylo latches onto that, his fingers getting slippery with their combined precome, swallowing every moan Hux lets out until he has to pull away, his cock throbbing and balls aching with need. He looks down at the both of them, and up close? No, Hux isn’t all that much longer, and it makes something settle inside Kylo’s psyche that wasn’t before, then casts his eyes back up towards Hux’s face.

“Do you see, Kylo? How beautiful you are?” Hux smiles at him, taking Kylo’s cock in hand and stroking so that his foreskin covers the head completely on every upstroke, then pulling back even more slowly so that Kylo can feel every pass of his palm over the flare of his glans. “I have never once thought that you weren’t, not  _ once. _ ”

Kylo nods, biting his lip to stop the sob he feels about to come out of his mouth. Hux hooks his left leg around Kylo’s upper back, the damned flexible bastard, and brings Kylo back down to kiss him and somewhere in the middle of it, Hux has them turned over again so that Kylo is once again on his back.

“Don’t move,” Hux whispers, and Kylo doesn’t, watching Hux go over to the pile of packages he brought in earlier and open the one sitting on top. Hux blocks its contents with his body, and once he’s gotten it out of its wrapping, he keeps it behind his body until he’s back on the bed and kissing Kylo again with a hunger that makes him want to burn to ash, so strong and real that he can’t do anything more than try to return as much of himself to Hux as he possibly can.

Kylo has to stop for breath, and Hux looks down at him, stroking his face with his free hand while whatever he’s hiding in his left is still behind his back. “I got something for you.”

“Are you going to show me?”

“Hold still.”

Hux slinks down his body, kissing him from throat to navel before he settles himself between Kylo’s legs and licks his cock from balls to tip, his tongue all perfect, wet heat, scrambling Kylo’s mind until all of him agrees that the only thing he wants is  _ more. _

Kylo watches with held breath as Hux shows him his surprise - it’s a cock ring, one that goes around his shaft and separates his balls away from the rest of him, effectively giving maximum stimulation to both parts. Hux wets his cock before he puts it on, kissing and licking until Kylo is pulled through and  _ throbbing. _

Hux’s eyes get huge with desire, reaching for Kylo’s cock and stroking him with agonizing slowness. “I got it for you because I’ve always wanted to see you in one of these, darling.” He kisses the tip and licks Kylo’s precome, never breaking eye contact. “And before I say this to you, Kylo, I just want you to know that I love every part of you exactly as you are but you need to feel this.”

Kylo gives Hux his hand and lets his fingers be wrapped around his shaft, his throat dry with lust and emotion. “I feel… I feel  _ thick. _ ” 

Hux nods, dipping his head to nuzzle and suck on Kylo’s low hanging, full balls, Kylo becoming  _ painfully  _ aware that it’s been four days since he last came. Between his depression and being busy with the store, it’s not the first time he’s neglected himself.

“Hux,” Kylo breathes, fingers sliding into his hair. “Hux, can… I wanna fuck you tonight. Please.”

Bottoming is good, easy, able to just receive and not fuck up - but he wants to try. It’s been at least a couple years since he topped, and the last time didn’t end well for Kylo. Nerves had gotten the better of him in the end, and Kylo had silently swore to himself never again.

Except this time, the lust in Hux’s eyes is making him  _ burn  _ for it, wanting more than anything to fill his boyfriend up, take him bare and be at one with the knowledge that he’s the only person who gets to do that.

Hux crawls up his body and kisses Kylo, deep and fast while he gets the lube out from under the pillows. He turns them over so that he’s on his back with his legs pulled to his chest, making Kylo watch him slick his hole up and fuck himself open.

“I can’t wait to feel you inside me, Kylo.” Hux preps himself fast, looking up at Kylo with complete admiration and devotion. “I think about it so, so much Kylo, wanting you to believe in yourself enough to do this.” Hux kisses him, softly, and Kylo does believe he can, swallowing his nerves and anxiety and every other hang up he’s got, if anything for long enough to give this to Hux.

Kylo takes the lube, wets his cock as well as he can, and pushes in.

The short, sharp little moan Hux lets out as Kylo sinks into his body makes Kylo’s heart turn cartwheels in his chest.

Hux’s legs go tight around his waist, pulling Kylo in deep as he can go as Kylo starts to fuck him, soft and slow, kissing and plunging his tongue into Hux’s mouth on every stroke of his hips. Hux’s moans get louder and louder, and Kylo knows he’s finding that sweet spot inside him, the cock ring making him feel  _ huge,  _ chasing his own desire and not letting go.

“Kylo,” Hux murmurs, sweat breaking out across his forehead and making his hair stick to his face. “Darling, are you listening?”

“Loud and clear, Hux.” Kylo’s surprised he can get that much out, even more so that Hux can actually  _ talk  _ right now.

“You want to know why your cock is perfect for me?” Hux kisses him, just for a moment before letting him go again. “Because it keeps you close to me, and I never really want to be any farther away than this from you.” 

Kylo can’t help the sob that escape from him, Hux telling him exactly what he needed to hear and  _ meaning  _ it. His orgasm follows quickly, balls deep inside Hux as he releases, whispering  _ Hux  _ over and over again, kissing and holding him until the aftershocks subside and he’s drained completely, finally pulling out and burying his face in Hux’s neck.

Hux’s hard cock pokes against his belly, and it almost breaks his fragile peace that he didn’t make Hux come from fucking him.

“Shit, I promise I didn’t forget, just-”

Hux shushes him with a kiss, taking Kylo’s hand again and putting it between his legs. He makes Kylo feel for his dripping hole, pushing out Kylo’s come and making sure his fingers are coated with it.

_ Oh. _

“I knew you were saving your load for a reason, Kylo.” Hux arches up into Kylo’s come-slick fingers as Kylo starts to stroke him, mixing with the precome steadily leaking from Hux’s cock. Kylo jerks him fast and hard, just as Hux likes it, shoving his tongue in his mouth and swallowing every sweet moan that spills from him. He can feel Hux’s cock thicken with his impending climax, and right as Hux starts to come Kylo shifts his attention to the head, milking Hux’s come as it splatters all over his chest and stomach, his mouth open against Kylo’s lips.

It takes a long time before Hux lets him go, his orgasm wrecking him and keeping him close until he finally closes his eyes and slumps back, breathing hard as his come dries on his body.

Kylo snuggles up to him, letting them both enjoy a few moments of peace before he goes to get a washcloth. “I love you.” 

He whispers those words right against Hux’s ear, nuzzling his hair and kissing his temple.

Hux turns his head and mouths “I love you” right against Kylo’s lips, overcome with hormones and emotion and a hard reset of the last few days for the both of them, the cloud that was hanging over Kylo dissipating some more until he’s left feeling pleasantly empty, wrapped around Hux like a vine.

Kylo starts to drift off again, only for Hux to nudge him and turn him over on his back. “It’s not time for that yet.”

“Time for what?” Kylo closes his eyes and grins, holding Hux’s slender hips as he sits on his stomach.

“A nap - I wasn’t done with my master plan yet.”

“What master plan?” Kylo opens one eye, appreciating his boyfriend’s sex-mussed hair and flushed complexion like he’s an artistic masterpiece.

“Our new pencils finally arrived, and I thought  _ maybe  _ we could have some ice cream and test them out. Unless you’d rather just lie here and let me have all the fun, in which case I have no problem with that.” Hux rubs his chest before pinching him and jumping up far too quickly for Kylo to react right away.

Kylo follows him and pulls Hux back to his body right as he’s about to escape the bedroom, kissing his neck and holding him close. “Think it’s kinda mean to pinch someone that hard.”

Hux stops squirming and pulls Kylo down for a kiss, murmuring “it worked, didn’t it?” against his mouth.

Kylo has to admit that yes, it did work.

The kiss ends, and Hux pulls them along to the bathroom and while the water heats up for their shower, Hux leans against the sink and pulls Kylo in between his legs. “I just want you to know that I’m always going to be here for you, Kylo, and I want to help you in any way I can.”

“I know, Hux, and you did. A lot.” Kylo knows that it has to ultimately come from himself, and maybe with Hux’s help he  _ can.  _ “I think I’m gonna see about getting my prescription renewed. That’s… I think it’ll make it easier.”

Hux kisses him one more time, and by the time they part the bathroom is filled with steam. “Why don’t we get cleaned up so we can go draw, darling?”

Kylo steps in the shower, and as they wash each other, he knows that he’s going to be okay.

So long as Hux sees him, as long as he can see himself, Kylo knows he stands a fighting chance for another day.


End file.
